17. Group Cancers

I hate cancer! Don’t you? Cancer took the life of my father as it spread rapidly and destructively robbed him of his health in two months. We didn’t see it for what it was until it was too late.

No matter how healthy or strong a small group ministry, there are threats to your small group that can take it down. I want to make you aware of these… So you can be on the lookout. Cancer can suck the life out of a person and these issues can do the same to a healthy small group.

A. Irregular Attendance

Whether you are in school, in a sport, or working in a business, if you don’t show up, you can’t expect to succeed. Even superstars are expected to show up consistently. When people show up sporadically, only when it is convenient, they are communicating that the group is not that important, it is not a priority. This attitude can spread to others and it can decimate your group. Others begin to miss because they think it is ok. If you don’t address the topic of being committed to the group, you will have chaos on your hands, and the group will never reach its potential. Faithfulness is essential for the health of any group, and you cannot ignore when people are flaky.

If someone cannot commit to being faithful to the group, 8 of 10 weeks, then encourage the person to wait till the next session to join when they are able to commit.

When people say, “I’m sorry I can’t be there, but I’m with you in spirit,” that means absolutely nothing! Imagine a quarterback saying that on a Sunday… Consistent attendance is necessary for group health!

B. Toxic personalities

We are all awkward to a certain degree, but there are extremes of personalities that can have a negative impact on the group.

If you don’t know who the challenging person is in the group, it is probably you… :)

We are focusing out attention on the people who have the potential of hurting the healthy dynamic of group life.

1. The Narcissist

This person wants to be the central focus on the group. While we all have our day when the group is there for us, the primary focus of the group should be Jesus.

2. The Dominator

Jumps into every conversation with a comment, answers every question and finishes others sentences. They talk loud and take over the conversation, electing themselves as the authority in the room, taking over every conversation.

3. Opinionator.

This person always has strong opinions on everything, black and white and proud of it.

4. The Devil’s Advocate

This person is the contrarian in the room, always having to find the opposing side, and very argumentative about it. The Devil doesn’t need any help, he does fine at ruining groups.

These people will cause others in the group to begin to fall away if you don’t deal with these awkward personalities.

Don’t kick these people out of the group, but you need to lovingly and carefully shepherd them to begin to act appropriately in the group. You move toward the problem by talking to the offending person one on one.

5. Fakers.

This is being a phoney, those who are not honest about what they think and feel. Everything is not always wonderful in the neighborhood, and these people need to be honest about it. A group must be a place where people can be real and honest, yet many have learned that church is a place where you look good from afar, not letting anyone know about your hurts, habits or hangups. But the truth is, if we are not honest, even God cannot help us. It starts with you being honest. Make sure that you are sharing your honest struggles and shortcomings.

6. Wrong Curriculum.

You might choose a good study for the group, but it may not scratch where your group members are itching. If this is the case, don’t be afraid to stop mid-stream and find something else to use that will better meet the needs of the group.

7. Holidays and Summer Break.

Many groups are taken out, simply because they take a break for the summer and never regroup. It is a lack of a plan that causes people to drift. Because they don’t know what is coming, they begin to make other plans that compete with the group when it finally decides to come back together.

So you need to communicate clearly, how long the break will be and when the group will once again meet once the break is over.

Even during breaks, there needs to be emails and texts and even some social activities where members can stay connected, even if the group is not meeting regularly.